yesterday all my troubles......

its hard for me to look at this "unclouded" but i will give you the version in facts.

fh told me he could not see apple because of course he was taking at a local college.
i should not have but i looked the course up on line and it wasnt offered on the date. when i asked him about it.... he changed his story to the course being offered online and he would be taking it that way. ok.... so i believed him.... when i asked him the direct question..... is she coming.... the awnser was no. over and over again it was no.
then to my surprise the hg's shift got changed and she was able to make it after all. i then did something out of character.... i told him that i wanted to sit down with both of them and talk about the situation. i called her as well and left her the same message.
i did it because i want some of these things to be talked about with all of us present.
maybe it is to wreck what they have because i feel like if hg knew the entire truth about the phonecalls we have or the emails and txts that he sends that it might actually start to make them both face the reality of what they have done.... and what i feel the fh is continuing to do.
i also want to discuss how i am going to allow apple to be around her.
this conversation face to face has to happen sometime between us... so in my opinion why not now?
neither one of them contacted me back to do this.
so i guess they will have to wait until i am ready for it again.

but i need to get to the bottom of why i am so angry about the situation... so here it goes

1. she is here. that bothers me. i have every right to be frustrated with this..... she is in the city i live in, with my fh, or ch, whatever he is.
2. i was lied to or manipulated about the reason he couldn't see his daughter all weekend.
3. neither returned my calls about the meeting.
4. i talked to him for about an hour and forty five minutes on wednesday, and listened to him and almost consoled him about what he was doing... he told me how confused he was... he told me so many things----- but here's the kicker for me...he wont be calling me tonight or tomorrow, he wont call here again to talk to "me" until she is gone. he wont send me jokes on blackberry or ask me how i am feeling my email..... until she is gone. he will only ask me very coldly..."how is apple" and that will be it. by blackberry... not by phone...

so that is why i am angry.

but i am putting it away after typing this... i am pushing it as far away as i can. i am going to get over this... along with everything else.
i have other things in my life then him.
he is not what keeps me going everyday.
my life is continuing to go on without him.
good things are happening for me.
good people are coming in to mylife.

thats it.
xo