Friday, January 22, 2010

Getting older.

I officially have a two year old.

Her birthday was the 19th.

We had a party for her over the weekend with a lot of our friends and family.

She was happier than I have ever seen her.

Her love was boiling over that day.

Most of her favorite people were in the room that day and she could barely contain herself.

Neither could I.

The joy I get from seeing her like that is like nothing I can explain.

All I can tell you; is that it is worth every ounce of pain that I have ever felt.


I felt a sense of pride that afternoon; one that I have been able to carry around with me most of this week.

As we all sang happy birthday; I whispered to her "we made it".

I know now she doesn't have a clue what I mean.

But one day she will.

One day she will know that I didn't break.
That I kept going for her.


I sat down last week and read my whole blog start to finish.


I had been meaning to focus on the entry about Apples last birthday; but I got stuck.

Stuck trying to remember what it was like back then.

Stuck with all those same emotions weighing heavy on my heart.



It has been one hell of a year since I started to write this blog.

It has provided me with some really amazing opportunities, and above all else strength.


I can only imagine what the next year holds for us.

I am finally in a place where I am excited and at peace with what is to come.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

The one about the house; and the girls.



It's been some time.

I waited for a reason.

I wanted to be sure that I could tell you this.


It is SOLD and we are going home.

I have not yet been able to fully come to terms with what this means or let it sink in.

I am have been really down the last few days, a lot of it is financial stress but some of it is coming to terms with the fact that this is it....


This is the home I almost died in.
This is the home that I learned I was pregnant.
This is the home we brought her back to live in.
This is the home that she took her first steps in.
This is the home where she called me Mommy for the first time.


This is the home I came back to life in.

But my heart tells me that this isn't home.

Our home is anywhere we go together.

The place we are living in is just that.

A place.

Where promises were made and lives were changed forever.

March 15th will be a difficult day; But March 15th will also be the first day of the rest of our lives.


I know my life has had some serious ups and downs in the last year; but nothing could have prepared me for today.

Today we made some new friends.

One of my closest friends teaches at a high school, and has been sharing the blog with her students.

Today we met.

Today they made us feel welcome and special and loved.

These are beautiful girls, each and every one of them with different stories to share; who wanted nothing more than to sit and talk and watch Apple destroy there classroom.

I struck me today on the way home from this; that I wish at 15 or 16 someone would have pulled me aside and told me that at 32 I would feel just as lost some days as I did then.

I am so glad to have had the opportunity to talk to them today.
It is not a day I will ever forget.

I won't forget the message that my friend left for me when I got home either.
Her words were some of the kindest that I have ever heard; and today for the first time in a really long time I not only listened to the words that she said but I felt inside of me without doubt that they were true.




These are some of our new friends; with my best girl.


I know you are probably reading this in your last class of the year today with that amazing teacher of yours.....

So from the bottom of our hearts;

Thank you.