i think oprah is doing it to. she is going to teach me how to live my best life this week. im looking forward to that.
last year had its ups and downs.... the ups being my daughter was born, and she is the light in my life, the apple of my eye.... etc. the downs were my husband left me for a hooters girl.... not just any hooters girl. the special kind that deal blackjack in lasvegas. whats worse is she has a really terrible hooters girl type name that i wont type here but believe me when i tell you its one that you could put a heart above the i.
its funny.... when i read it its funny... but at night between 730 and 1 its not all that funny. im fine most of the time during the day its the nights i fall apart.
so, here i am new year....with my apple... and my dog and my cat and my house. trying to re start. my councillor said doing this would be a good idea. to write down what i was feeling sort of like a journal..... but it makes it easier for me to do anywhere at anytime. so this is my first post... i am not altogether sure what to write.... but i guess i should make some ground rules for myself.
- i will not under any circumstances use names i will call my daughter apple...... (then im like Gweneth) i will call the former or currently married to husband -fh and i can call her hg... you can guess why.
- i will use this as a way to sort myself out... no to defame him or say things that will get me into trouble
- i will tell the truth
ok--- so with my rules written down i will start.
i have already come to some pretty scary conclusions about myself through out this, one of them being i dont like domminios pizza. that may seem like a weird thing to say... but for me its part of how i got so lost. you see when we ordered pizza 90% of the time we got it from domminios. the problem is.... i never said i didnt like domminios. i just went with what fh wanted. i can look back now and remember so many times when i didnt make my voice heard... or didnt even know i had one. the only person to blame for this is me. i dont know how or when i got so lost in someone else. but i did. and now that person is gone.... i am struggling to find out who i actually am when i am alone. (although i did figure out i like pizza hut and pango pizza the best) you know that part in runaway bride when she has to sit down at the diner and try all of the diffrent kinds of eggs.... thats how i feel. i am lost in this place of who i used to be based on someone else likes and dislikes.
so far with much searching i have found out a few things.....
i want to be the best mum in the world, i want to go to paris and spain, i like to stay in on weekends , i love fried eggs over easy, i love appitizers, i love the movies, i love to read and i love to do research on cool topics
thats where i wrap things up for today.....
