when you boil it down. whats left.

yesterday was a worldwin with apple, its something viral shes much better today but a bit sick.....
last night was amazingly funny. i went to my photography class and remembered why i dont didnt like school.
first off my teachers name is doug... if you happen to forget, dont worry its on his shirt. doug says pacific instead of specific. doug uses the word pacific alot. an example.... on of my favorites was... "well the pacific thing that your camera is doing right now when you take that photo will only happen when with your pacific camera is in that pacific mode" ohhh dougie, did no one tell you ever that pacific is an ocean?
it bothered me to say the least, but what bothered me more is that i think i was the only one in class that noticed. i dont have anyone to nudge. the other bad thing dougie did was rant, yes rant for 62 minutes about the difference between zoom and a prime lens. dougie told us how much better the prime lens was and how amazing it is.
arnie my 56 year old desk neighbour said..."doug, could you tell us the best prime lens to purchase"
dougie laughed.... and said, "oh none of you will ever need a lens like that,they are 15 thousand dollars and 90% of the population cant even tell the difference between the lens's... you wont ever have a pacific time to use this type of lens in your lifetime" wow.... thanks dougie, thanks for wasting 62 minutes of the class on that nice bit of info.

today has been long and drawn out.
alot on my mind. went to the doctors, and he is going to try to deal with the panic attacks. i am going to have alot of internal work to do, but thats what all this about. finding a new me that i am comfortable with. i did like the old me, i just dont see her in here right now. i feel like a hard boiled egg, im still the same egg, i just got so overheated that i changed on the inside.
whats left of the old me is probably the shell, and my morals... they are still there.
but the rest of it just sort of feels gone.
lets be honest.
i am not me. i am not alright. i am lost. but i am getting a direction, and filling myself up with new things and new opportunity's and yes ill say it, new people.