tug of war.

i feel like i haven't written in forever.... but i am back.

do you ever notice that when people go away sometimes they get a fake accent... or they take on the lingo of the new country?

i know someone that went to italy this week and i have already received messages from them starting with "ciao bella". i think that if you are Italian, and you come back from italy... you are allowed to say it. or if you are an Italian in general you can say that, or if your married to an Italian you can say it.

but if you have been in italy for 4 days, you are not allowed to say it.
for some reason i have rules like that in my head.
others are that you cant wear jean on jean. like a jean jacket and jeans. (i used to think you could but ive changed since then)
you have to scratch my back under my shirt not over
you cant eat 2 meats in one meal. (like mixing animals) its just not right.
there are many more, but thats something ill get to at a later date.

things have been good today, i went to see my family.... a great visit, expect apple was a wendy whiner. she and i both saw fh, which went well.
more then ever lately i have put aside the situation and just tried to live. it works some days, and some days it doesn't. i feel like there is this internal pull at my heart that i cant find the way out of. but today im not to concerned about it. today i am just comfortable with the silence that is in my head, and thats good enough for me right now.

5 things
went to see the people that make you feel like you again
did everything on my list
dealt with today
got ready for tomorrow
held apple as close i could and gained the strength i needed.