its a title shot.... fingers crossed.

tonight... i am proud of me. i won.. a very very nothing award... but a big big award to me... and probably only me. i the best of the 5 classes my teacher has.....for a picture i took of apple.
i won a small personal dvd player and a few other things..... but wow... really i won a bit of me back tonight.
i was good at something without him, i did something that he didnt even know about, and i did great at it.
its strange for me... because the best memories i have in my life... yes of my life, are ones with him. i feel sometimes like it will never be as good as it was, that i will never find that kind of happiness and contentment again.....good god, i hope this isnt it. i pray each day for good things to happen. then i think of something the gm told me.... everyday above ground is a good day.

there are other memories in my mind without him that get Honorable mention....

the pop spill in the truck(i am laughing as i type this one)
begging for tiny dancer at my funeral finding out ann savage was there... when we had no clue, double ozzie devil horns at bayfest
judie and me days, they are few and far between, but they are the best.
feeling my way to hamiton with my bff... then the coffee on the top
mason peeing of the foor because... nevermind........
the day i knew i found my best friend, and that she would never ever leave me. (the phone call early moring in windsor... after a long.. long night)
muffin, in general...
the apple with my mum... the one that she made perfect....
the Elizabethan with the am everytime....
the train with the gm when i asked him about all the lights.... the trip to T.O with the gm when i told him about my misfortune with the doll...
the way i met norie, and the way we knew we were supposed to be like this for each other,... yes i remember the moment, the easy silence i felt i will never forget. the best thing i have in this city.
the way chi chi looked at me the day i told him i needed him
the way i laughed with d last month on the phone
the expected and loved phone call i get from my sisters each day


i am smiling. i am laughing out loud right now, this is a good trick... type it out, and smile and laugh about the great things that have happened.
there is a life without him.... its just hard to find sometimes.


we started to change our names today, well i started apple just kind of sat there.... it was sad for me. like giving up a piece of us. but, i think its the right thing to do.

5 things (over the last few days).... and more
not losing my marbles on several occasions
accepting new friendships
bj kicking his ass, with his squirrel picture
being objective
not driving the barbie car over there....
smiled though my heart is breaking
doing everything the d asked me to
set someone straight, even though it was hard to say
being proud of me.... just me.