Hope Floats....

what is that undying piece of us that clings on to what we had? what is it in me that still has so much fight for my marriage? why would anyone still love a person after all of this? how can i sit with him so peacefully in a room? why do i feel better when i am with him?

yes.... i ask myself these questions. i know what people must think.
poor girl, doesn't know when to give up. stupid girl, what is she thinking. desperate girl, why is she so blind?

i'll tell you why, i am a fighter. i do not give up on people. i may be tempted to... and try to, but i can't.
i don't know why i can still love him, but i do. it breaks my heart to type it... but i do.
i can sit with him, because it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
i feel better because at the end of the day, he is still him, and i am still me... and for 7 years of my life... he has been my life.

you see in this process i have figured out one thing. one true thing.
you dont know what its like to be here until you are living it.

i wish so much that i could just fast forward and see what happens... see how all this is going to play out, and good or bad i would go back to the beginning and live it. i just wish i knew what my life was going to look like in 6 months or in 6 years.

thats it. good or bad. thats it today. the most honest i can be.

5 things
asked for what i wanted
layed still for an hour and a half
had a good talk, that didnt take a sour turn
had another amazing day with apple. even tho she says the f word.... whoops.
told a great friend how much i appreciate them.