even the best fall down sometimes.

its easy to be sorry after the fact..... when things didn't turn out the way you want them to.

that is a line i heard today in my favorite show, being erica. the premise of the show is erica going back to fix the regrets in her life...
every week i watch this show and i think, oh my god it relates to me in every way. each week i can take something away from it... some sort of lesson. this week was no different.
she tried to fix something that was unfixable.... (i am not going to tell you what because you should really watching the show because it is that good)
the point is.... the thing she wanted to fix wasnt what needed to be fixed.... what needed to be changed was the way that she was dealing with the problem, or not dealing with the problem in the present.
Thats where i am today. trying to fix the me right now-- the new me.
I think from the outside looking in some of my friends and family think i am at some sort of stand still, because i live in the same house.. with all the same stuff... and i am doing the same thing i was doing when he left.
But i can tell you, with 100% certainty, i am moving forward. Some days its at a snails pace, but its happening.
My new life is starting to take shape, and that girl that i see in the mirror in the morning is starting to look more familiar.... she is starting to laugh alot more, and she is starting to let people in, she is getting stronger, she is trying so hard. please know that. I want to be me again soon to.

I need to add that i had such a great conversation with an amazing friend tonight.... i had attempted to shut out the world today... i was having a sad day. But i picked up when she called, and it made my day. It reminded me of all of you out there who are reading this and worried about apple and i.
It reminded me that there is strength in numbers.
It reminded me that we are loved.