Happy Easter.

since i wrote my last post i have done alot of thinking. that is generally why i take days off in between... because i have to much on my mind, or i just cant get the thoughts clear enough to write down.
my councillor tells me alot that i need to go back to the day he left. i need to start talking about it and dealing with it. its not something i have even dealt yet. its actually pretty hard to remember that whole two week period.
but that's next weeks issue.
this week i have been focusing on whats going to happen next. if this were a book... now is where the man would come in. we would meet in a cute way, and i would think nothing of it... only to find him on my door step hours later with all of my favorite snacks. (im a snack girl, what can i say)
here is the problem with that.
i cant let anyone save me anymore. i really need to start saving myself. i am a bit ashamed to admit this, but i have always let the men in my life fix things for me. well actually not things, i have always let them fix me.
i have always had problems dealing with my own issues, i hide them alot, i tend not to talk about them... they fester then come out when i least expect them to.
but with this... for the first time ever i have taken it head on... just me.
yes, i have the love and support of my family and friends behind me but at the end of the day its just me here.
its me who is getting through this.
so the man with the snacks will have to wait. but fixing me doesn't have to.

its easter weekend, and this is actually apples second easter... but last year she actually fit into her easter basket.
this year will be a little different. we had a dry run this afternoon with hiding some eggs around the living room. she actually ran around and scooped them up and put them in her shopping cart, then hammered her shopping cart into the cat which spooked the dog and all hell broke loose.
another very special event that occurred this morning... which i need to mention was apple throwing my cellphone in the toilet.
this is mostly my fault because i let her rip around my room today while i had a shower.... who knew she was aware of the toilet seat going up and down? hmmmmm i guess i should have been considering i have had her on a potty everyday for the last week. (its worked four times so far)
so i am without a cell phone for a bit... but its been a very peaceful day on the upside.