The thing is, I hide from the truth of what is inside me.
I tend to lie to myself and say that it isn't really there, and I am not really feeling what I feel.
It is a depression.
Plain and simple.
It has been brought on by a laundry list of things, some of which I write about... some of which I can't.
Depression is a difficult disease because it strikes when you are already low.... almost like a bully that kicks you when your down.
It creeps into my mind and my heart when I am alone--- and although I know I am never really alone... this disease makes me feel more isolated then ever.
I have chosen to forgo medication, because I have been down this road in life before. I didn't like who I was when I took medication-- so I am trying some other things. I am reaching out to friends and family more then ever and asking for what I need...
It is not that I don't agree with medication, it's just that for me right now it isn't an option.
I am still having great days that are filled with happiness... and excitement about moving and starting a new life at home, I am just lower then I would like some minutes or hours or days....
So.... I will work on this like I have worked on everything else.
I will push through and keep my head up.
All because of that beautiful girl who is sleeping so peacefully upstairs as I write this...
