In fact one of us is still in her sleeper from last night, because it is the warmest thing that I can find for her to wear.
It's a good thing I have a little girl who constantly runs about 2 degrees higher then the average person.
This weekend has been hard, because as the seasons change I am reminded more and more of where we were last year at this time.
He was still here, and I was still believing in us.
He was gone this weekend last year to Vegas, opting out of Thanksgiving to go on a trip with some of his work friends.
Or that's what I thought...... actually that's what I forced myself to believe, because thinking it was anything else seemed so impossible at the time.
It becomes clear after all this time that I was just so unwilling to see the obvious. That I was so blind to what was happening right in front of me.
The clear part me to is this: we were not a priority then.... something like Thanksgiving, although seemingly unimportant to some... is still a time to be shared with family, together.
Setting those expectations for my daughter now has become so important for me.
It's days like today that create her memories.
Like what Nana's house smells like when she walks in.... or how Grandpa makes her feel like the most special little girl in the world.
I want her to feel love on a day like today sitting around a crowded table and laughing about how many drinks my brother has on the go at any given time, or how my other brother at 35 still refuses to eat any form of vegetable.
Yesterday as we walked down by the path close to where we live, we ran into a couple and a child.
They were both holding the little boys hands on either side and doing the 1, 2, 3 weeeeee game. (you know the one, where you swing them up in the middle of you)
We play this when she is walking with Nana and I in the mall.
She looked up at me and said 123 weeee, and my eyes filled with tears.
Knowing that it was just me and 123 weee, is not a game I can play with her on my own.
But my best girl solved our problem.
She stood in front of me and lifted her little hands into mine.... and we 123 weee'd all on our own.
It reminds me that we can do this, that against all odds.... we are going to make this life,
our life..... just that... ours.
