I never know how to start or what to say with some of this stuff.
So... here it goes.
She is moving here. (I actually have some doubt about the "is" part and I sort of think she already has been)
How do I feel about it?
Well...day one was hard. I was messy. I had a hard time figuring out why I was so upset ..If you don't want to be with someone anymore then why does it matter?
I spent a lot of the day thinking about this and came to some pretty amazing conclusions.
Bottom line , I am not ready to have her around my daughter. I am not yet at a place where I can be "OK" with them meeting or being around each other.
So how when I do not trust him, do I trust the fact that he won't betray me again?
I don't know the answer to this yet... but I am working on it.
Secondly, I don't feel ready to see her. Here is why....
I want to be in a place where I do not yell or scream or swear at her. I want to be the girl I know I am. I want to be the bigger person.
Right now I am not that person.
I am angry with her, for all the reasons that you can already imagine and some you could probably never understand.
I spent the day and night coming to terms with how I felt and why.
To be honest it was a relief not be crying over the loss of him.
I reached out to a friend late that night, and they said something that I will never ever forget:
"why fear seeing the two of them holding hands walking around the city?
just remember who's hand you'll be holding"
It's funny... So many people told me that it would never work between them...
Let's be honest, I can't name one person that didn't say that to me.
But I knew in my heart since he walked out the door that he would do everything in his power to make it work with her... and it has.
Good for them? Well... sort of.
I am glad that I get this opportunity to change the course of my life.
Looking back we were on his course, not mine-
Now- I am making choices for Apple and I on a daily basis that make us happy and safe.
I am in control again, and it feels good.
Just as an FYI,
Day two was awesome... I saw a lot of my favorite people and had a blast.
Day three was great enjoyed a girls day with apple.
Day four... even better.....
I'm getting better at this aren't I?
Got a funny blog tomorrow for you all about freezes and dog fur.
