In a way I am grateful... she only has 6 and that is strange for a 17month old.
I had already made her a dentist apt to figure out if she was missing some of them.
Apple goes haywire when she gets teeth. She doesn't eat well, or nap well, most of the time she is up screaming in the middle of the night ... and gets up ridiculously early.
All and all its a nightmare.
To lighten the mood on Monday, I took her to the splash pad close to out house.
The first fifteen minutes were great, she was happy... I was happy. I even half ass attempted to talk to some of the other mothers that were there. Big step as normally, I just stand there with that deer caught in the headlights look.
I noticed one of them, the one with the biggest diamond i have ever seen checking my hand for my ring.
I adjusted my hand behind my back like I always do, but the shameful look on my face probably gives her the answer she was looking for.
Then the unthinkable happened.
A young boy stood on the water cannon that Apple wanted to. He was 7 or 8 and heavy set.
She attempted to push him away... but he was having none of it. He stood his ground and would not move. (at this point I am looking around at these other mothers thinking -- which ever one of you owns that one, go the hell over there and get him off that water cannon)
None of them moved.
At this point Apple dropped down on all fours and proceeded to scream. Not just the "mum i really want a freezie scream" the kind of scream that tells you she is getting four teeth and she wants to hurt this little boy.
I ran over to get her up and show her the other 75 water cannons going off... (and maybe kick this little boy) and as I bend down to pick her up something very horrific happens in a very short amount of time.
The water cannon from underneath me starts to go off.
I am paralyzed because within seconds water is shooting at a very powerful rate of speed up my shorts, through my underwear and yes up my ass.
It was not good.
In fact was so not good that I scream " What the Fu$k!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs.
(This is something Apple has heard several times believe me, I am in the process of teaching her earmuffs)
Now.... I see some movement from the other mothers.
Running to shield the children's ears from the profanity filled single mother at the splash pad who just got an enema.
