I had a reason.
My real estate agent came here on monday.
He had some not so nice things to say.
Mostly that I had a great deal of work to do, and that my house might not sell for the amount I originally thought.
When he left, I sat down and cried. I was overwhelmed with the amount of work that would need to be done, and that I was alone to deal with it.
Slowly I regained composure. Slowly my phone began to ring... with calls asking how it went.
I told each one of them the story.
Very quickly before I could even second guess myself.. a plan was put into place.
Family and friends were here around the clock from that night on.
I noticed through out this week that my family and friends don't ever say,
"let me know if you need anything" they say... "i will be there wednesday at 7"
Without being asked, without being promised favors, without anything.... they were here and I finally got it.
I am not alone.
I never was.
On Wednesday, I dropped apple off at home with my parents.
When I got back to my house the sign was up. (the for sale sign)
It took me to a new place.
I was messy.
I was miserable.
I was devastated.
I was doubting everything I thought I wanted.
I talked to a friend.... one who knows that sometimes I need to be told things harshly..
the words they said calmed me down.
With that I took one of the hardest nights head on.
I sat with one of my best friends and got rid of all the things of "us" I knew were in the house... and some that I had forgotten about.
We came across an email he had written to me at the beginning of our relationship, and like any girl would do.... I read it.
His words were so real, so true, so honest.... It is easy to see now, why I ended up where I did.
He told me the things that every person on earth wants to hear, that they will never be alone, and that nothing will ever come before "us" and that he could and would never love anyone more....
But that is all they were... just his words, years ago... that i believed in.
Words that I chose to believe in.
I realize now more than ever that it is the actions a person takes that are so much more important then the words they say.
Since that night, I have made great strides.
I have still had to push myself to see the bright sides of my choices... but the great part is they are there.
The bright side to my life shines everymorning at 7am... and everytime the phone rings to hear a friendly voice ... and everytime i pull into the city i call home.
I went to a physic a few weeks back with some friends.
She told me something that I think I instinctively already knew...
"everything you need in your life is already in your there"
I get it now.
I finally do.
