I wonder what she dreams about at night.
Sometimes late at night I wake up to her talking to herself.
I roll over and watch her on the video monitor with amazement.
Some nights she will lay there and talk to her self for twenty minutes before she falls back asleep.
I love this.... more than I could ever explain.
With each day more words come.... and so do some of the most profound... yet simple moments of my life.
A few nights ago, when I was tucking her into bed... without being prompted she said "love you mummy" as I was closing her door.
I told her I loved her and ran back in to give her another kiss.
After I shut the door that night, I sat at the top of the stairs and cried.
I honestly never imagined those words having any affect on me ever again.
Because "i love you" had become something that had been so callously said to me.
Just words, with nothing behind them.
But hearing them from her, my beautiful little girl was enough to melt my "cold dead heart".
There is a word that she doesn't say all that often.
Dad.
She still sees him once a week and every other weekend.... but he is just not a subject that comes up when she is with me.
It's odd to me that at two, maybe she knows he is not something I am ready to talk to her about.
I pray for the strength and the restraint when the questions come.
As recently as three weeks ago, he said to me in a heated argument
"you have no clue what it's like-- to be dealing with my life"
He is right.
I don't.
I have no clue what it must be like to not know all 127 words(yes i keep track) that she says off by heart... or that she jumped off the edge of the pool at swimming into my arms last week.
I have no clue what it must be like watch her grow up right before your eyes and not get to be a part of it daily.
So yeah.... I don't have a clue.
Thank god for that.
As I began to pack tonight I was filled with a sense of closure.
This close to last step of the puzzle is finally taking shape.
We are closing in on the last lap in our journey to get back home.
We can't wait.
