A moment that stopped me dead in my tracks.
Apple took a small fall.
It was nothing major. All she had done was scrape her knee.
I went to grab the polysporin... and realized that she was too young for me to use the adult kind... I would have to go get some of the kids kind......
and with that, I was done for.
That was the moment.
The first moment in my life that I could not just go to a store and buy what I needed.
Financially, it was over for me.
I had used every ounce of savings, I had used every credit card.... I had used everything.
I had nothing.
I sat on the step in my living room and cried.
My brain told me to call my parents, to tell them.... to ask them for help.
But my pride as usual got in the way.
They had no clue how bad it was. No one had any clue how bad it had gotten.
I was carrying the weight of the bills on my own most months, with no job and no source of income.
Things with my support had not been going easily, and I was not receiving regular payments.
I had already started to work part time at my new job, but it wasn't enough.... I had yet to miss a payment but I knew that would only be a few short days away.
That night I laid awake in my bed for hours, hoping for a miracle.
Wishing that something would change.
Words he had said to me earlier that day echoed in my mind..... "no ones coming to save you"
"no one" he kept repeating.
What he said lit some sort of fire in me.....
I started to think to myself.... No one might be coming.... but I will save her and I.
I will fix this.
No one would ever again tell me I couldn't.
The next morning, I went through my normal routine--- but two huge things happened.
I got an email from a friend, just a random forward that I would normally delete, It was one of those email this to three people and something good will happen.... but that is not what caught my eye.
It was a line at the end that read... "You must be the change you wish to see in the world"
I thought about that for a long time... that I had to become the change.
I realized that you can't just sit back and wait for the change, you have to take charge and see what you want out there and go and get it.
That morning I decided that for good, I would be in charge of what was going to happen to us.... and that the best way to do this was easy.... to simply DO IT.
Get out there and get it done.
I did not forward the email for the "good thing to happen"
I just knew it would.
Minutes later I did what I always do, and checked my banking online.
There had been a rather large deposit, from my former employer.
I checked and re checked and called human resources to make sure it was mine.
It was.. infact mine, Some holiday pay that had gotten lost in the shuffle... something that I had not been expecting.
I could breathe.
For the first time in weeks.
I got myself and my best girl ready for the day and we headed out to shoppers.
Where I bought 2 tubes of polysporin, the kids kind.... that we probably didn't need at that point, but I needed it to feel safe.
I still have the two tubes of polysporin.
Each time I use one, I remember.....
I remember that I had to stop wishing for a miracle and make one of my own.
