I am shy.
Have I said that before?
Seeing those words written make me shake my head at myself.
I know those of you that have met me are thinking what in gods name is she talking about?
But, I am shy.
Painfully so.
I am loud. I have been loud my whole life... I am often told to quiet down at Christmas, Easter, birthdays, BBQs and any other family gathering because I am so god dame loud.
My loud covers up for the fact that I don't say much.
I don't want to say anything half the time, I just don't want you to ask me anything.
I'm loud... So you can't.
It is too hard for me sometimes to come up with the answers that you want to hear or the stories you want to be told.
So, I'm loud.... because I can't.
Not many get past this. It can probably be too much.
I am most likely a hell of a lot of work to get to know.
I have felt my guard slip recently, having a conversation with someone I didn't really know all that well....
I heard myself talking about things that I only really share with the closest of the close.
It scared the living shit out of me.
I don't know how to deal with letting it out without feeling like I am giving too much of myself.
Like if I say it all out loud, I'll lose part of myself.
I'll lose it and I won't get it back ever again.
So, I am a painfully shy... and painfully loud girl. Who often says inappropriate shit at the most inappropriate times.
I have almost grown to accept this, Now... It's your turn to.
Apple is doing amazing.
She is so much like me that at times my future seems very difficult.
She is so strong willed and very temperamental, but by far she is one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life.
Last week we had heat lightning. She had woken up from a bad dream so I opened up her blinds and showed her what the sky looked like.
I said " look it's heat lightning"
she said " grease lightning?"
I said "no heat lightning"
She said "NOOOO MUMMY, Grease Lightning"
I asked her how she knew what "grease lightning" was, and told her that Mummy hates the movie Grease... ( I know she is a little young to be told that... but come on.... I hate the movie Grease and I am silently judging those of you who lllloooovvveee it)
She said "uhhh the wiggles mummy"
I told her that was fine and put her back to bed.
She stayed up for the next 45 minutes singing the god awful grease lightning song.
I went in and finally told her to stop and she had the largest 2 year old shit fit I have ever seen.
She even got the "fists of furry" going... which means she means business.
She said " I won't stop, I won't stop"
I left the room and rolled my eyes and shook my head at what the next 18 years have in store for me.
Today was a huge milestone for us.
She started at her new day care.
I have been worried about this day for weeks.
I think I probably slept for 3 hours last night.... All I could do was imagine the worst.
I ended up with the largest stress zit (some may call it a goiter) on my face that my co workers and I gave it a name.
Andy.
It was super fun all day to say things like "Andy and I are headed for lunch" or "Andy has a lot of paper work to get done this afternoon"
Andy came for no reason though.
She killed it at day care today.
Not one cry, Not one 2 year old shit fit with "fists of furry"....
Nothing.
Just a great report from her new friend "Caffee".
She was loud.
I could hear her as I walked up the drive way to get her.
It made me smile.
My girl is loud.
