It tones down the sharpness of the dogs bark and makes the sound of the washing machine fade away in the distance.... but mostly it is a familiar sound that both of us like to hear at night.
Being here has settled us both. We are calmer versions of who we were a few months ago, very quickly we have gotten use to this new routine.
I am back to work four days a week, and she is with her sitter and my mum for those days.
She has come leaps and bounds since day one.... now going with out much fuss, and enjoying her time while she is there.
I have not.
I miss her.
I miss her so much every day that it is painful.
I cry most days at some point, when I look at the time and wonder what she might be doing, or when I think of the way she ate her breakfast like a big girl in the morning.
Mostly I just wish it was me that could take her to the park or open her raisin box.
Mostly I am resenting the person that took that away from me.
I understand the bottom line well.
This is what happens; this is what has to be done; this is the sacrifice that I have to make;
But I miss her.
My god do I miss her.
I have been blessed with an amazing boss, and a great work environment.
They are BEYOND accommodating to my situation, and they are 100% on board with my "apple comes first" attitude.
I have also been blessed with the most amazing parents.
They pick up the slack and more on a daily basis.
Not a single day goes by when I don't regret being an asshole to them when I was a teenager. (and maybe early 20's... ok and maybe my late 20's early 30's.... come to think of it I was probably an asshole baby too)
So, I get it.
We all have to do this, and it sucks..... and not many people are as blessed as I am.
I will get through this.
I should also probably re think how much of an asshole I can be.
But that's another blog.
