I have had plenty in my life... but only few have ever made me really re evaluate things as much as one I had the other day.
A friend of mine, who suffered a loss far greater then my own called to check in.
The call was filled with tears and laughter.... but mostly it was filled with a profound connection that I never would have expected.
To raise a child alone is an experience like no other.
The only people that ever really understand are the ones that actually do it on a daily basis.
It's those people that I can laugh with about the strange yet amazing parts of single parenthood....
There is something to be said for restraining your child in a headlock in her highchair after she has shoved a french fry up her nose.. and pulling the part that is logged so far up her nose you can barely see it...... out with a pair of tweezers.
Those are the times when i miss someone walking in the door at 5 to ask me how the day was....
because that is not the kind of story anyone wants to hear, but a parent.
We discussed those moments when random strangers ask if our daughters look like there mothers/fathers.... or what it's like when your child is calling other people mama or dada.
Believe me, you can't make shit like this up.
I have cried in the checkout line at walmart, after someone asked my little girl where her daddy was.
The other thing we talked a lot about was love.
The way my friend talked about losing the love of a lifetime was heartbreaking.
The pain I could feel coming from the other end of the phone was so familiar.
The pain I felt knowing that I have never been loved like that was a deep blow that I never would have expected.
It hurts to know that I haven't had that in my life yet, and it may never happen for me.
Ever.
The pain I feel is like a cut that's healing....
some days I barely feel it...
and other days I feel like someone just poured salt over it.
I don't know when this goes away completely or if it ever will.
